please rephrase this in your own words:
One significant life change I experienced was immigrating to the United States at 16 and suddenly having to take on adult responsibilities. I entered high school with English as my fourth language, while also working to support my single mother and siblings. At the same time, I was coping with the emotional impact of losing my father from a distance, unable to see him or attend his funeral. This experience created a deep internal conflict between wanting to be a teenager and feeling forced to mature overnight.
How I Knew Change Needed to Happen
I realized change was necessary when the stress of balancing school, work, and family responsibilities became overwhelming. I noticed I was constantly exhausted, emotionally shut down, and feeling pulled in too many directions. I also recognized that if I didn’t adapt to the new language, culture, and academic expectations, it would limit my opportunities and place more pressure on my family. The discomfort became a signal that something in my way of coping had to shift.
How Change Happened
Change happened gradually through a combination of necessity, support, and resilience. I learned English by immersing myself in school, asking teachers for help, and practicing outside of class. I reorganized my responsibilities, sought community resources, and developed routines that supported both my academic and family commitments. Emotionally, I allowed myself to grieve in my own time while still functioning day-to-day. The change came from adapting my behaviors, reframing my situation, and finding meaning in my role within my family.
Was the Change Permanent?
Parts of the change were permanent. The independence, maturity, and resilience I developed have stayed with me into adulthood. However, some parts were flexible—my coping strategies evolved as my environment became more stable. For instance, I no longer carry the same intense survival-mode mindset, but the strengths it produced remain part of who I am.
How I See People Changing in General
I believe people change when three conditions come together:
- Awareness that something is no longer working,
- Motivation or pressure strong enough to disrupt old patterns, and
- Support, whether internal or external, that allows for new possibilities.
Change can be uncomfortable, but people tend to transform when they realize the cost of staying the same is greater than the cost of taking a risk.
Change Through a Systemic Lens
Looking at change systemically means understanding that no struggle exists in isolation. When I reflect on my experience, my change wasn’t just an internal decision—it was influenced by my family system, the immigration system, school environment, financial pressures, and cultural expectations. Each part of the system shaped how I adapted and the coping strategies I developed. My understanding of change aligns with systemic thinking because I naturally consider the relationships, environments, and patterns that contributed to the problem and to the solution.
Modernist vs. Postmodernist Theories in MFT
Modernist theories (e.g., Structural, Strategic, Bowenian) assume that problems have identifiable causes and that therapists can guide clients toward healthier functioning through expert knowledge. They often focus on patterns, roles, boundaries, and restructuring interpersonal dynamics.
Postmodernist theories (e.g., Narrative Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy) take the stance that reality is constructed through language and meaning. Instead of being the expert, the therapist collaborates with clients to co-create new narratives, explore strengths, and identify possibilities.
Modernism looks for what is wrong and how to change the structure, while postmodernism looks for what story is being told and how to rewrite it.
The Role of Theory in the Change Process
Theory guides how therapists understand problems, choose interventions, and engage with clients. It shapes the questions we ask, where we place our attention, and how we interpret change. For me, theory helps me stay grounded and intentional instead of relying on assumptions or personal biases. It also allows me to adapt my approach depending on clients’ needs—sometimes using structure, sometimes emphasizing narrative and meaning.
Treatment Planning and the Role of Theory
The treatment planning process includes:
- Assessment of the system and presenting problem
- Goal setting grounded in the client’s values and context
- Selecting interventions informed by a guiding theory
- Monitoring progress and adjusting as needed
- Evaluating outcomes and preparing for termination
Theory plays a central role by providing the framework for each stage. It determines what information is most relevant, how goals are shaped, and which interventions are appropriate. A coherent theoretical orientation helps ensure treatment is consistent, ethical, and effective.