Overview
I'am attaching the thesis you wrote and the feedback from the professor. Please revisit and let me know if you have any questions.
Feedback: Thank you for sending this draft. I can see the thought and effort you have put into the project, and I want to say at the outset that I think you have chosen a strong topic. The comparison of Juventus and Manchester City is interesting, relevant, and full of potential, and the thesis is clearly built around a question that matters.
Before we move toward scheduling the defense, I would like you to make one more focused round of revisions so that the thesis is in the strongest possible shape.
First, I would like you to sharpen the central argument a bit more. Right now, the thesis raises several important points, but I want the main claim to come through more clearly and consistently from the beginning. The reader should be able to see, very early on, exactly what your comparison of these two clubs is meant to show about ethical leadership, governance, and accountability.
Second, please work on reducing repetition, especially in the introduction and some of the earlier sections. There are places where similar ideas appear more than once in slightly different wording. Tightening those sections will make the thesis feel more focused and will strengthen the flow of the argument. One area I would especially like you to address is repetition. For example, the paragraph in the Problem Statement beginning “The failure by club leaders to make ethical decisions…” is repeated almost verbatim in Section 1.5. Similarly, the ideas about stakeholder pressure, competitive pressure, and the long-term reputational consequences of ethical failure appear multiple times in the introduction and literature review in very similar language. I would encourage you to consolidate those points so that each section contributes something new rather than restating what has already been said.
Third, I would like you to strengthen the methodology section. Please explain more clearly why Juventus and Manchester City were chosen, what specifically is being compared, how you selected your sources, and how you are applying the virtue ethics framework in your analysis. That added clarity will make the study feel more rigorous and will also help you during the defense.
Fourth, the comparative dimension of the thesis needs to come through more directly. You have useful material on both clubs, but I would like to see a more explicit side-by-side analysis of where they differ in governance structure, accountability, ethical response, and the consequences that followed. Related to this, be careful in places where matters remain contested to distinguish between allegations, established findings, and your own interpretation.
Finally, please give the thesis a careful final review for presentation and scholarly consistency. This includes checking references closely, removing any duplication, smoothing out the prose, and strengthening the conclusion so that it clearly states what your study has shown, why that matters, and how your recommendations arise from the analysis.
Overall, I think this is a promising project, and I do think it can get to a strong place with these revisions. My goal in asking for this additional work is simply to help you present the thesis as clearly and convincingly as possible before the defense. There will be a second examiner at the defense. Once you have revised it along these lines, I will be glad to look at the new version and schedule your defense. Please use track changes to show the revisions.