Overview
Hello, I am going to attach my second draft of my Research Essay. I have attached the annotations/feedback that my teacher made in the comments. She also said this when looking it over:
Make a strong assertion for the thesis statement. Rather than just saying that the nightmare has become manifested, explain the meaning behind this, and the ramifications behind the nightmare, becoming manifested. In other words, what does it mean for a specific population to have accepted being constantly under surveillance? Identify your population and use examples from this specific population throughout your essay. Rather than use the novels to provide examples, your purpose is actually to provide examples from the people you are researching. This is very important to keep in mind. Make connections between different paragraphs in your essay period. Step back and ask yourself what is the purpose behind each paragraph and how does it connect from one to the next. Make the necessary connections between the paragraphs. Rather than state that these are the different technologies that are being used in the novels, ask yourself how does one connect to the next? At times the essay becomes repetitive. The same observations coming from scholarships are reiterated in different parts of the essay. What new examples from the population you are studying can be used to support the main ideas? Develop the ideas using a variety of insights so that repetition is avoided.
With tha being said, please go through each comment and make the appropriate changes. Then, please read over what she said above and implement into this final draft. I am going to link my two sources of research (Chapter 4 of the book: "None of Your Damn Business" and the article "Everything Under Control?"), along with the novels (Fahrenheit 451 and 1984: The Graphic novel) that warned against a digitally surveilled society. For the book "None of Your Damn Business," you only need to read and pull out evidence from CHAPTER 4. Please let me know if you have any questions. Lastly, ABSOLUTELY NO AI WHATSOEVER PLEASE!!!!
Link to 1984: The Graphic Novel -> https://archive.org/details/1984_thegraphicnovel/page/n7/mode/2up