Overview
These are the directions for the essay: Compare and contrast the impact of the Safavid Empire's decline on the people of the Empire and the Middle East with the impact of the decline of the Ottoman Empire on the people of the Empire and theMiddle East in the late 17th and the 18th centuries? While comparing these to declines impacts on the people, make sure you address cultural and social impacts as well as political and economic ones.
My teacher left these comments on my essay. To improve, focus on incorporating more specific historical evidence. While your points are accurate, they are often general—adding concrete examples such as key events (like the Afghan invasion of 1722), systems (tax farming, millet system), or specific regions would strengthen your argument.
You should also work on reducing repetition. The idea of “rapid vs. gradual decline” is repeated multiple times without adding new insight. Try to develop new layers of analysis rather than restating the same point.
Additionally, deepen your analysis by explaining how these changes affected different groups of people, such as peasants, merchants, or elites. This will help you better address the prompt’s focus on impact.
Work on improving clarity and sentence structure. Some sentences are overly long or awkwardly phrased, which makes your argument harder to follow. Breaking them into clearer, more concise statements will improve readability.
Finally, expand your discussion of cultural impacts with more detail. While you mention Shi’a Islam and European influence, you should further explain how these shaped people’s identities and daily lives.
- Apply the comments I provided.
- Use your own language. The essay must reflect your own writing in order to earn a strong grade.
Make the changes necessary for me to get a 100 percent on my essay.