Overview
Please see the draft of your proposal, Sections 1-3, attached with feedback. I’ve also attached the checklist. I would like you to review my comments carefully BEFORE you revise the draft. You write well. Also, you have most of the required materials in the proposal. However, your writing needs to be more succinct and concise. There is too much verbosity in your writing. Scholarly writing does not require the use of unnecessary words, excessive detail, or complex language to express simple ideas. This simply hampers clarity and disengages the reader. For example, Section 3 should be about 10 pages long. You have twice that number. I notice repetition, where the same idea is expressed with different words or in a different way. For the proposal, Sections 1-3 should be no more than 45 pages in total: Section 1: 4 pages Section 2: 20-25 pages Section 3: 10-15 pages. A few more things I’d like you to pay attention to: (1) Use the MEAL plan in your paragraphs: main idea followed by evidence, then analysis, and finally, link the main idea and the analysis to the larger topic of the paper, creating a connection that the next paragraph can build on. (2) Do not end a paragraph with a cited statement. Ending a paragraph with only a citation leaves the discussion incomplete because the reader needs to know the interpretation of the cited statement. Without the analysis, readers are left wondering “what” and cannot see how the evidence connects to the broader argument. A strong scholarly paragraph must conclude with an interpretive sentence that explains why the cited information matters, clarifies its relevance, and links the discussion back to the problem, purpose, or unanswered research question. (3) Particularly in Section 3, place the word “see” before the source in the citation if the source does not know about your study. The “see” is necessary within the citation for accuracy. Please see: https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/apa/citations/errors (4) The word “semistructured” is one word. There is no hyphen per APA 7 and Walden. PLEASE REFRAIN from writing it as two words with a hyphen. In your next submission, please include the Turnitin and ReciteWorks reports. Also, ensure that the page numbers and headings in your table of contents are correct. I look forward to your next, more comprehensive yet more succinct and concise submission.