Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

Lecture Notes: Module 1

(For Exam 1)

 

Table of Contents

HS 101: Redeeming Sexuality: Recovering God’s Plan for Our Lives

Archibald Hart, Ph.D.

HS 102: The Seven Desires: The Roots of Healthy Relationships

Mark Laaser, M.Div., Ph.D.

HS 103: God’s Great Idea: Toward a Theology of Sexuality

Ron Hawkins, D.Min., Ed.D.

HS 104: Healthy (vs. Unhealthy) Sexual Development

Cliff Penner, M.Div., Ph.D. and Joyce Penner, M.N.

 

Course Description

This course provides a panorama of sexual challenges that men and women are currently experiencing as well as the results of a national report on the sexuality of Christian men and women. This vibrant and fascinating study enables students to gain a better understanding of the complexities and fundamental differences of male and female sexuality and marital intimacy, in contrast to cultural myths and distortions. Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to identify the major sexual problems facing today’s churches.

2. Will be able to recognize the origins of modern sexual distortions.

3. Will understand how to avoid and redeem sexual distortion and sin.

Introduction

The greatest challenge facing the church in the next century is the subject of sexuality. It is a battle equal to the dangers of terrorism waged against the church by the lies and attacks of Satan in our culture. In this course, Dr. Archibald Hart defines the appropriate Christian defense against immorality which he calls Operation Redemption. Operation Redemption is an attempt to pressure, protect and restore a healthy sexuality in families, people, and churches. Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

I. A Biblical Perspective of Sexuality

A. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4

B. Sexual Challenges in Churches

· Adolescent sexual abuse

· Pastoral sexual abuse

· Homosexuality

· Pornography

C. Sexually transmitted diseases

There is no area of the human existence more closely tied to the need for sanctification or redemption than sexuality.

D. Why does sexuality need redeeming?

· Sexuality is distorted and has lost its original intent.

· Modern sexuality is dangerous to women and children.

· Distorted sexuality is causing an abnormal gender gap.

· Modern sexuality has been taken out of the context of marriage.

· Modern sexual ideals have infiltrated the sub-culture of the church.

What God created to be a beautiful thing has been distorted into an ugly thing .

II. The Contributing Factors to Distorted Sexuality

A. The age of puberty continues to drop.

B. The age of masturbation continues to drop.

C. The age of exposure to pornography continues to drop.

D. The age of marriage continues to increase.

The time has increased between when a person is ready for sex and when he or she is able to fulfill his or her sexual desires according to biblical standards. These modern trends allow time for sexual distortion to leak in.

E. The Pitfalls of Pornography

· Leads to greater appetite for distortion

· Provides a false reality

· Makes it difficult to impossible for a man to transition from sexual fantasies to sexual experiences with a real person

· Decreases pleasure and satisfaction of sex

· Often leads to other forms of violence

· Gives men an unrealistic idea of a woman’s body and interests

F. The Pairing of Adrenaline and Sexual Excitement

· Results in search for greater arousal

· The basis for all addictions and perversions

Real sexual satisfaction can only be found in the relationship of marriage.

III. Contemporary Sexual Challenges in Our Churches and Culture

A. Child Sex

B. Pastoral Sex

· Transference and counter-transference

· Excessive fatigue and depression

· Extreme success

C. Homosexuality

IV. Suggestions for Redeeming Sexuality

A. De-emphasize the pleasure aspect of sex.

B. Emphasize a non-genital side to sexuality.

C. Help couples deal with their beliefs and habits of fantasy.

D. Help people be open about their own sexual distortions.

E. Help people learn how to control their sexuality.

F. Help Christians own up to their own vulnerability.

Bibliography/ Reading List

Hart, Archibald. The Sexual Man: Masculinity without Guilt. (Dallas, TX: Word, 1998).

Hart, Archibald. Coping with Depression in the Ministry and Other Helping Professions.

(Dallas, TX: Word, 1984).

Hart, Archibald. The Success Factor . (Revell Publishers, 1990).

Hart, Archibald. Habits of the Mind . (Available at hart@fuller.edu ).

Hart, Archibald. Healing Life’s Hidden Addictions . (Servant Publications, 1990).

Jones, Stanton & Mark Yarhouse. Homosexuality: The Use of Scientific Research in the

Church’s Moral Debate . (Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press, 2000). Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

HS 101 Study Questions

1. What is the greatest problem facing the church today? Why?

2. How has sexuality been distorted in American culture? What are the contributing factors to this distortion?

3. What are the specific problems in the church concerning sexuality? How can these be avoided or remedied?

4. What are the pitfalls of pornography?

5. What are some suggestions for redeeming the distorted state of sexuality in American culture, in individuals and in churches?

Soul Care Notes

Genesis 38:16

Numbers 25:1

Ezekiel 16:15

1 Corinthians 1:30

1 Corinthians 5:9-11

Ephesians 1:7

Revelation 2:18-23

 

Course Description

This course examines how people were created for relationships and presents seven basic needs that both men and women have. When life sours or love goes bad, people often begin a search for false substitutes that they think will meet those needs, but don’t. Many times these substitutes will be sexual in nature and are as powerful and destructive as any other addiction. Dr. Laaser helps students understand how to overcome what fuels sexual sin so healthy choices can be made when meeting the needs of a person’s heart. Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will be able to understand the seven basic desires of every human being.

2. Will be able to identify the false substitutes often misused to fulfill desires.

3. Will be able to recognize how to find fulfillment through a relationship with God, healthy relationships with other Christians, and a one-flesh relationship with a spouse.

Introduction

People are in a spiritual warfare in culture around sexuality. Satan has been attacking the church in the area of sexuality since its conception. This lesson will help students learn how to guard themselves against the devil’s attacks by learning how to fulfill their God-given desires through godly, healthy relationships.I. Biblical Men Vulnerable to the Attack of Sexual Warfare

A. Samson: Tempted During Loneliness

B. David: Tempted After Being Scorned by His Wife

C. Solomon: Multiple Wives Enticed Him Away from God

Men and women are most vulnerable to sexual sin when they are lonely. We need to understand the desires of our hearts in order to guard ourselves against sexual temptation and fulfill those desires in the ways God intended.

II. The Seven Desires of Human Hearts

A. The Origin of These Desires Going Unmet

· Invasiveness: Sexual or emotional abuse

· Abandonment: Loneliness in relationships

· Failure to become one flesh: Needs left unmet in marriage

· Failure to have a relationship with Christ: He completes our desires

B. The Four Areas of Human Desires

· Emotional

· Physical

· Sexual

· Spiritual

C. The Fulfillment of Human Desires: Woman at the Well

Whoever drinks the living water (relationship with Christ) will never thirst again.

D. The Seven Desires Defined

· Emotional:

1. Desire #1: To be heard and known

2. Desire #2: To be affirmed (for what a person does)

3. Desire #3: To be praised (for who a person is)

· Physical:

1. Desire #4: To be safe

2. Desire #5: To be touched

3. Sexual: Desire #6: To be passionately desired (the only one)

· Spiritual: Desire #7: To be included (to belong)

1. Fellowship with God

2. Fellowship with other believers

3. Fellowship within a one-flesh relationship

III. False Fulfillment of Our Desires

A. Desire #1: To Be Heard

· Raise a person’s voice

· Talk incessantly

· Temper tantrums – Begging to be heard

Solution: Ask Spouse or Other Person to Listen

B. Desire #2: To Be Affirmed

· Driving expensive cars

· Spending money on material things

· Pornography: The sexual “yes”

Solution: Consider What a Person Has Done of Significant Value

C. Desire #3: To be praised

· Praising oneself

· Narcissism

Solution: Give These Kind of People Affirmation

D. Desire #4: To Be Safe

· Obsessions for cleanliness and order

· Anxiety disorders

· Extreme cautiousness or preparation

Solution: Realize that Safety Is Found Only in God

E. Desire #5: To Be Touched

· Sexual sins

· One-night affairs

· Strip joints or massage parlors

Solution: Teach Couples to Touch Each Other in Non-sexual Ways

F. Desire #6: To Be Passionately Desired

· Sexual Affairs

· Romance Novels, Soap Operas, Other Entertainment

Solution: Help Couples Focus Their Attention on Each Other

G. Desire #7: To Be Included

· Criticizing other people

· Religious bigotry, legalism, self-righteousness

· Sexual selfishness (sex equals inclusion)

· Co-dependency

Solution: Fellowship with God and Other Christians

Bibliography/Reading List

Fields, Doug. Creative Romance . (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 1991).

Hart, Archibald. Healing Life’s Hidden Addictions. (Servant Publications, 1990).

Hart, Archibald, & Tim Hogan. How to Find the Help You Need. (Grand Rapids, MI:

Zondervan, 1996).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Counseling for Sexual Disorders . (Dallas, TX: Word, 1990).

Smalley, Gary & John Trent. The Language of Love . (Pomona, CA: Focus on the Family,

1988).

HS 102 Study Questions

1. What men in the Bible committed sexual sins because of loneliness or abandonment?

2. What are the primary reasons that most people become trapped in sexual sin? Who is responsible for sexual warfare?

3. What are the seven basic desires of every human being and how are they categorized?

4. When one or more of a person’s seven desires go unmet, what are some false substitutes he or she will often use to fulfill their desires? How do these often lead to sexual sin?

5. What can be done to fulfill our desires when they go unmet? How does having a relationship with God through Jesus Christ affect our desires? Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

Soul Care Notes

Psalm 37:4

Psalm 69:1-12

Luke 10:17-19

1 Corinthians 5:9-11

Hebrews 13:5

1 Peter 5:8-10

Revelation 2:18-23

 

Course Description

Although attitudes toward sex vary widely, people must realize that God is in the business of making beautiful things that they should not be ashamed of. Since God created sex and sex is discussed at length in the Bible, a theology of sex and human sexuality is needed to guide humanity in the truth about its nature and role in our lives.

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand the difference between sex and sexuality.

2. Will understand God’s design and the origin of sex and sexuality.

3. Will understand a theology (God’s logic and purpose) of sex and sexuality.

Introduction

There is a dissenting view in the church that sex is an evil result of our fallen world; when in reality, sex originated as God’s idea, not man’s idea. In order to have a proper view of sex, people have to think theologically about it. In this course we will interpret God’s logic and purpose on the subject of sex and sexuality by uncovering what the Bible has to say about these subjects. Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

I. Introduction to Theology and Sexuality

A. Dissenting View of Sex: Evil in Our Broken World

B. Recovering a Biblical View of Sex: Requires Thinking Theologically

· God’s logic

· God’s Word

· God’s patterns

· God’s purposes

C. Definitions and Differences of “Sex” and “Sexuality”

· Sex = Appetite in human body for procreation and pleasure

 

· Sexuality = Aesthetics that surround sex due to differences between

males and females

Counselors help people discover the greatness of human sexuality when they help people experience their sexuality within the structures required by His logic and His Word.

II. Twelve Biblical and Theological Principles on Sexuality

A. Principle #1: God made man and woman. Sexuality is a necessary element in

humanity’s ability to fulfill the creation mandate and the divine purpose. God

pronounced His entire creation good and sanctified His purpose. It would be a

mistake to think that sex or sexual feelings were bad (Genesis 1:26-31, 2:24-

25; Song of Solomon).

B. Principle #2: It is not God’s will that Christians consign the sexual dimensions of their personhood to extinction. As with other appetites, believers must assume personal responsibility for control. Control, not extinction, is God’s logic (Proverbs 5:1-23, 23:1-3; Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4-10).

· Control is an element in the fruit of the Holy Spirit and is a component

of His gracious work in the life of the child of God (Galatians 5:22-26; Romans 8:8-14).

· Self-control and a refusal to apply it to personal lives and relationships introduces people to theological issues like sin, repentance, confession, forgiveness and restoration (1 John 1:9; 2 Corinthians 6-7; Galatians 5:1).

C. Principle #3: The only legitimate satisfaction of the sexual appetite is inside of covenantal commitment; the seal of covenantal commitment is at the heart of God’s logic regarding marriage (Genesis 2:18-25; Proverbs 5:1-23; Song of Solomon 3:12, 8:6; Matthew 19:3-11).

D. Principle #4: Some sex relationships represent a form of idolatry fashioned in the midst of personal fear, addiction, and rebellion. Victimization abounds when sexuality is divorced from the directives of God’s logic and Word (Romans 1:21-32; Ephesians 5:1-33; Hebrews 13:4).

E. Principle #5: Sex under the seal of the covenant is not just good; it is pure, honorable, and holy (Hebrews 13:4).

F. Principle #6: The sexual appetite is not placed in humans only to assure procreation. It is God’s intention that sexuality be a source of intense pleasure for people (Proverbs 5:18-19; Ecclesiastes 9:7-10; Song of Solomon 4:1-15).

G. Principle #7: Sexual intercourse is more than a physical act. It involves two persons in a very special kind of knowing that implies deep connection, communion, sharing, and total self-giving (Genesis 2:18-25; Song of Solomon 8:1-14; Ephesians 5:25-33).

H. Principle #8: Sex, because of its intense nature, cannot bring ultimate joy to the participants without a complete commitment from both partners to the exclusiveness that monogamy guarantees. The absence of fidelity to one’s partner until death parts is a violation of divine law and produces internal rage in the person being victimized by the infidelity. Even sexual fantasy divorced from the covenantal mate can diminish the joy of sex derived from monogamous coupling (Proverbs 5:15-23; Ecclesiastes 6:9, 7:25-29; Song of Solomon 8:6-7; 1 Thessalonians 4:1-7).

I. Principle #9: Sexual intercourse is a part of the marital relationship that is necessary to the experience of genuine and full unity in marriage. Only in cases where it is made impossible by other compelling reasons should its absence from the marriage relationship be acceptable. In these cases, both partners should understand the reasons for its absence and give willing consent (1 Corinthians 7:1-5). Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

J. Principle #10: Sex is a reciprocal right based on the reality that a person’s body belongs to his/her mate. This scriptural teaching is not intended to be a license for spousal abuse, but rather to emphasize the responsibilities that accompany the marital commitment. Spouses are responsible under God for serving one another in a satisfying and healthy sexual manner. In such a setting, sex is personal and holy, a complex meeting of both mates’ feelings, thoughts, and sensations (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).

K. Principle #11: Sex should be viewed not only as a way of getting one’s needs met, but also as a way of serving one’s mate. Refusal to meet a mate’s sexual needs in a wholesome and healthy manner may place the spouse in a position of vulnerability to sin (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).

L. Principle #12: Sex is fully satisfying only when two persons possessed of expanding individual identities come to the experience (a celebration of differences). Each one comes to give and demand. Each one remains intermittently independent and dependent. Both fill the void in the other and discover in the filling a developing fullness in themselves. Sexual intimacy requires oneness with healthy separateness (Genesis 2:18-25).

Bibliography/Reading List

Gardner, Tim A. Sacred Sex . (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press, 2002).

Hart, Archibald. The Sexual Man . (Dallas, TX: Word Publishing, 1994).

Hawkins, Ronald E. Strengthening Marital Intimacy . (Kearney, NE: Baker Book House,

1991).

LaHaye, Tim & Beverly. The Act of Marriage . (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. The Gift of Sex . (Dallas, TX: Word, 1981).

White, John. Eros Redeemed. (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press).

HS 103 Study Questions

1. What is the difference between “sex” and “sexuality”?

2. Why is it necessary to think about sexuality from a theological viewpoint? What does it mean to think theologically?

3. What biblical principles of sexuality are found in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5?

4. What two metaphors does Dr. Hawkins use to describe sex within marriage? How does each of these represent a relationship with God?

5. How would one describe sex and sexuality within the covenant of marriage as God designed them? What biblical principles govern God’s great idea of sex?

Soul Care Notes

Genesis 39:7-12

Song of Solomon 7:6-12

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

1 Thessalonians 4:4

 

Course Description

One constant in life is ongoing change. Sexual development in the person and in marriage can proceed in healthy or unhealthy ways. As each individual properly develops, a deeper sexual and emotional intimacy will naturally follow as life progresses. The Penners’ intimately and respectfully show us how to advance this important concept in practical and God-honoring ways. Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, students:

1. Will understand the stages of sexual development and the critical learning of each stage.

2. Will understand the impact on sexual adjustment of the mastery of each stage.

3. Will understand the affect on adult sexual adjustment of lack of mastery of each stage.

Introduction

Every age and stage of life contributes to sexual development. From the moment of birth, people are sexual beings. If the developmental task of each stage is not mastered during that critical period—the results will ultimately affect sexual adjustment in marriage. The interaction and input—life experiences—will shape people’s view of themselves sexually, their ability to give themselves and form an intimate sexual bond in marriage, their ability to talk openly about their likes and dislikes with their spouse, and their freedom to enjoy sexual pleasure in marriage.

I. Stage One: Infancy

A. Critical Learning: Bonding

B. Impact on sexual adjustment:

· Mastery = Capacity for intimacy

· Lack of Mastery = Difficulty in intimacy and potential for addictions and lack of desire

· Therapy Goals: Process attachment issues while developing intimacy with spouse through sexual retraining

II. Stage Two: Toddlerhood

A. Critical Learning: Touching, Naming and Control of Genitals

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = Positive acceptance of genitals and sexuality

· Lack of Mastery = Emotional disconnect from genitals and sexuality

· Therapy Goals: Take ownership of genitals and sexuality. Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

III. Stage Three: Preschool

A. Critical Learning: Question-Asking

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = Ability to communicate openly about sex

1. When a child asks questions, respond positively…

i. Reinforce

ii. Reflect

iii. Review

iv. Respond

v. Repeat

2. Teach children about the dangers of molestation

· Lack of mastery = Difficulty with the use of sexual terms and personal expressions

· Therapy goals: To develop comfort and skills with open communication about sexual feelings and interaction

IV. Stage Four: School Age

A. Critical Learning: Curious Exploration

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = Sexual awareness with boundaries and without shame

· Lack of mastery = Guilt and shame associated with sexual feelings and actions

· Therapy goals: To process guilt and shame issues and develop appropriate bodily and sexual acceptance with healthy boundaries

V. Stage Five: Pre-Adolescence

A. Critical Learning: Acceptance of Erotic Feelings and Bumbling Discovery of Boy/Girl Interaction

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = Comfort with sexual feelings and development of competence in relation to the opposite sex

· Lack of mastery = Sexually naïve, unaware and awkward

· Therapy goals: To develop awareness and competence through the sexual retraining process

VI. Stage Six: Adolescence

A. Critical Learning: Decision-Making

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = The ability to embrace sexual feelings while managing sexual actions

· Lack of mastery = Inability to separate sexual urges from sexual choices

· Therapy goals: To recognize and affirm sexual feelings while controlling sexual actions

VII. Stage Seven: Single Adulthood

A. Critical Learning: Becoming a Whole, Integrated Sexual Person with

Capacity for Relational Intimacy

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = Ability for intimate, non-sexual bond with opposite sex

· Lack of mastery = The tendency to either isolate from the opposite sex or use sexual interaction to attempt to find intimacy

· Therapy goals: Identify lack of mastery of any previous stage of critical learning and master that stage to ensure a whole, integrated sexual adult with the capacity for all forms of intimacy with the opposite sex. Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

VIII. Stage Eight: Married Adulthood

A. Critical Learning: The Ability to Enjoy the Giving and Receiving of

Sexual Pleasure

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = A sexual responsive and responsible adult

· Lack of mastery = Sexual dysfunction

· Therapy goals: Identify and heal from the specific sexual dysfunction utilizing the sexual retraining process

IX. Stage Nine: Older Adulthood

A. Critical Learning: Adapting to the Changes of Aging as Those Affect Sexual Functions

B. Impact on Sexual Adjustment:

· Mastery = Enjoyment of slower, intimate, pleasure-oriented sexual fulfillment in marriage

· Lack of mastery = Feelings of inadequacy and avoidance of sexual interaction with spouse

· Therapy goals: To adapt to the physiological change in sexual functioning that comes with aging and accept and embrace those changes in order to maintain sexual intimacy and fulfillment

Bibliography/Reading List

Dobson, James. Bringing Up Boys . (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2001).

Dobson, James. Life on the Edge: Helping Teens Prepare for Adulthood . (Video Series by

Focus on the Family: Colorado Springs, CO).

Dobson, James. Preparing for Adolescence: How to Survive the Coming Years of Change.

(Audio Tape Series by Focus on the Family: Colorado Springs, CO).

Dobson, James. Solid Answers .(Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House, 1997).

Jones, Stanton and Brenna. How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex . (Colorado Springs,

CO: NavPress, 1993).

Mayo, Joseph & Mary Ann. The Menopause Manager: A Safe Path for a Natural Change.

(Fleming H. Revell, 1998).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Sex Facts for the Family . (Dallas, TX: Word Publishers, 1992).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Counseling for Sexual Disorders. (Dallas: Word, 1990).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start . (Dallas: Word, 1994).

Penner, Clifford & Joyce. Restoring the Pleasure . (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1993).

HS 104 Study Questions

1. Why is it important that a caregiver or lay counselor understand the stages of sexual development?

2. What are the potential results for a person who does not master certain stages of their sexual development?

3. Describe the ages and stages of sexual development and the natural awareness that should occur at each stage.

4. What are the therapy goals at each stage when lack of mastery occurs?

5. What role do parents play in the stages of sexual development? Perspectives on Sexuality Paper

Soul Care Notes

Genesis 39:7-12

Leviticus 10:1-3

Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Psalm 139:14

1 Thessalonians 4:4

SEXUAL FOUNDATIONS

 

HS 101

REDEEMING SEXUALITY: RECOVERING GOD’S PLAN FOR OUR LIVES

Archibald Hart, Ph.D.

 

HS 102

THE SEVEN DESIRES: THE ROOTS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Mark Laaser, M.Div., Ph.D.

 

HS 103

GOD’S GREAT IDEA: TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF SEXUALITY

Ron Hawkins, D.Min., Ed.D.

 

HS 104

HEALTHY (vs. UNHEALTHY) SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT

Clifford Penner, M.Div., Ph.D. and Joyce Penner, M.N.